I wanted to feel responsible so I've decided to write this post as the summary of my Year 2009. Saw it on Tammy's page and it gave me inspiration hehehe. Shall treat this as a way to put an official full-stop to everything in 2009, and also to usher in my brand-new and hopefully, BETTER, 2010.

2009, I failed to be a good volleyball captain. I've always seen this as a very sensitive subject, but I don't see why I shouldn't open myself up now when everything is coming to an end. I know I didn't manage to earn all your respect because I failed in many aspects, I cannot lead well and I know that better than anybody else. I don't like to command, although that's what many ppl think I should do. To me, a team should be happy together, doing things on their own accord rather than being forced. I do not like forcing my teammates to do things they're unwilling to do because I dislike seeing the dismay on their faces afterwards - it hurts me. I'd rather just let you hve your way. I don't deserve this captain position in the first place because I know - ALL OF YOU should know - that there is someone else who deserves it more than I do, who contributed more to the team than anybody else, and who loved volleyball more than anybody else. So here, I would like to say I'm sorry to all my teammates of HYVB '06 '07 '08 and '09 and of course to you sweethearts of Szeting's batch, I'm sorry I didn't manage to bring you girls into the Top 4 of the West Zone division this year, and for failing as a leader and hving not carried out my duties well enough to suffice. But deep down I'll never forget all those hardship we went through together, all those out-to-kill-you trainings. They seem to tough now, as we think back, we might wonder, "Damn, how the hell did I manage to pull through that in the first place!?" We did manage to survive, because we know we hve a group of girls who're going through the very same ordeal as us, and who, just like us, wna play well and improve so we can bring the whole team's performance to a greater height. We laughed, we quarrelled, we hated, we loved, we cried, we shouted, but in the end it all boils down to the same old thing - team. I know a team sport is hard to perform well as the chances of someone making a mistake is multiplied by 6, this is the time we must learn to forgive. We always had some form of communication problem which I've failed to eradicate, which, in the end, it proved to be the main problem that undermined our team's performance. Yes, we may not be the most bonded team ever and we may even hve had internal conflicts, but who cares about them when none of this shit can ever, EVER erase or deny everything we've went through together? All these 4 years had been tough, and now as I think back I will miss the times. Those on court with Wuenny who never fails to scare the hell outta me when her temper blows, with YY who always needs a reassurance time and again to actually remind her how good a player she is, with Janelle who got so tensed her shoulders always stiffened (I wonder if you've noticed it yourself hehehe), with Meifen who has the most steady performance, with Kohser whose fighting spirit is second to none and Serli, you'll always be a part of us even if you don't want to, it's an undeniable fact :), and also with the then-me, who always puts on a sulky face when I'm scolded, because most of the times I get so nervous I just lose myself and played shit. Some left us halfway, it's okay. Because we know we worked hard not only for us to continue standing strong with their side-along support, but also for Ye Jiao Lian and Wu Zong Xian, and for ourselves. As we go our separate ways and may not stay in contact anymore, I do hope this chapter in your life remains one worth remembering and cherishing. After all, how many gets to be trained hardcore in volleyball at such young ages and still enjoyed it because we had a great bunch of girls alongside with us that numbed all the pain and hardship simply by their own presence and being their own, crazy selves? Hehehe. HYVB Aces, as always. :)

2009, I did my Os. This is the first time I cried so hard for an atrociously-done examination I couldn't believe I actually did that. In fact, I've pretty much screwed up most of my studies throughout these 4 years in secondary school. Nonetheless, I woke up this year and did whatever I could to salvage the situation and I really hope it isn't too late to mend things up. My mom and I did some planning about my future and it's comforting to know at least I hve some back-up plans, IN CASE I really ruined my own future.

2009, I made many new enemies and surprisingly, I AM HAPPY ABOUT IT. Ha ha ha. This is my favourite part. Let's hve an example: Ng Chin Xiang. This fella, I believe many of you will remember him as this fat ass who graduated from HYSS a few years back. Well, GOOD NEWS! HE SLIMMED DOWN! BAD NEWS! HE IS STILL AS UGLY! Because he argued with me over Sezairi winning the Singapore Idol so I totally deleted him from my friends list. Here's the story - When Sezairi (SS) won the SI, I got so pissed off so I typed smth offensive towards SS on my MSN personal message. Nobody gave a damn until this CX came and said, "That SS guy happened to be my friend." So I replied I don't give a damn about it, which is true. And by then his tone pissed me off alr. So he went on saying SS is really good and I told him, "Please, I don't wna argue with you." VERY RUDE MEH? And guess what he replied, "I don't wna argue with you." OMG HAHAHAHA DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING HILARIOUS THIS LOSER IS. Hey CX, I don't give a shit if you're reading this because this whole paragraph is dedicated to you (see, it's even longer than my Os paragraph HA HA). In the very first place, I don't give a fucking damn if that SS is your friend. Did I even ask? Fuck you.
Secondly, you said that SS is really good. Yes, TO YOU. Please understand the fact that different people hve got different perspectives, one man's meat is another man's poison. Get it? I doubt you do, cause when we argued you still seem to be in denial. I'm not arguing against your beliefs that SS is better than Sylvia (which is wrong to begin with), just that your refusal to accept others' perspectives and your absurd motive to psycho and force and argue your way through just for ppl to hve the same mindset as you is simply FUCKING DISGUSTING, JUST LIKE THE WAY YOU ARE HA HA HA.
And lastly, you said you didn't wna argue with me. OH PLEASE, I SAID THAT FIRST AND RIGHT FROM THE START I DIDN'T EVEN WNA TALK TO YOU, YOU INITIATED THE DUMB CONVERSATION FIRST. Seriously, who gives a shit if you think SS is good? Your friends? Your family? You know, it's not that they share the same opinion as you do, it's just that they don't wna say everything I'm saying right now IN-YOUR-FUCKING-FACE. I really don't need such disgusting beings like you in my life, maybe you think I'm a bitch too. Well, I am. So what? Does that deny the fact that you're as fugly and revolting too? No. So, we're on par. HA HA HA. And don't tell me, "Hve a good life". I alr hve a good life WITHOUT your presence, so please don't destroy this beauty. Always coming up with random "I miss you" and telling me so directly that you expect me to say I miss you too, even if it means I hve to lie just to make you happy, omg that was when we were still friends so I didn't tell you how random and irritating and shameless you were. Gosh. Thank God you're out of my life. One less friend is no harm, you didn't play a single small part in my life right from the start anyway. Woooooooo happy much. :D

2009, I did not fall in love.
I'm lying.
HA HA HA.
OH WELL... I can't talk about it cause he didn't allow me too, so no choice. Anyway, I got to know some of my male classmates a lot more this year and I'm surprised how mature they've got. Another good news :)
GIRLS, THROW ALL YOUR SORROW BEHIND, AND LOVE YOUR NEW LIFE AHEAD IN 2010, BECAUSE THESE GUYS AREN'T WORTH YOUR TEARS AND CONCERN AND HEARTACHE! LIVE FOR YOURSELF, LOVE YOURSELF! That's all I can say. Hehehe :D

2009, I DID A LOT, A LOT, A LOT OF SHOPPING. MY POSB SAVINGS DEPLETED LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. BUT NEVERMIND I AM HAPPY BECAUSE I GET TO LOOK NICE AND FEEL PRETTY WHICH SAVES ME FROM MY UTTERLY LOW SELF ESTEEM! Although only for a short while... I've been spending blindly, I'm completely aware of it. So now I'm waiting for PYK to get me the job so I can ease the spending a bit, so at least make up for the missing money in the bank account. My mom's still in the dark, hehehehehehehe :D

2009, I had a lot of crazy, absurd thoughts.
I wanted to smoke (OMG WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING MANZZZZZZ)
I wanted to get a tongue piercing (think of the pain *faint*)
I wanted to get a tattoo (LMAO)
I wanted to go clubbing (like some desperate bitch right. Nb)
Too many to remember but I think all these all enough to make my mom faint on the spot if she reads it omg can't imagine that DISASTERXZXZXZXXXZ.


All in all, I don't think I really liked the year 2009. I dunno why too. Oh well, it's gonna be over in approximately 2 hours. I hope for a new beginning! Hving countdown in my estate, everyone gathering by the pool, although by then the lights will be out. Gonna go swimming nauwzzz even though no lights :( OH WELL...


I LOVE YALL PEEPS.
FOR LOVE, FOR FASHION, FOR MONEY, FOR YOUR CAT, FOR MORE PRETTY CLOTHES, FOR HAPPINESS, FOR YOUR FRIENDS, FOR MORE MONEY, AND FOR YOUR PARENTS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE,

A HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR OF 2010!
And a new chapter begins. :)

I DON'T WNA UPLOAD ALREADY BLOGGER PHOTO UPLOADER IS WHAT THE FUCK MANZZZZZZZZ AM SO PISSED OFF BYE.

I felt so great today because I spent my day with loads of fun with TYY, and I bought some really nice stuff. Although I spent so much today but I feel surprisingly happy, because I've cheered myself up and also made TYY happy. Yay :D


Saw Tammy at OSF FEP today. She's... beautiful. I told her and she said, "No, I'm not." And then shunned away, smiling awkwardly. Perhaps I was too straightforward, but I meant what I said.

Stepping into the shop took a huge toll on my self esteem. Just looking at her... It made me wonder, "How can someone ever look so good?" And her boyfriend was there too, hve seen aplenty of his photos online but his real self was, oh God... Another good-looking-like-wtf human being. He loves Tammy, I can see that, and when Tammy was putting my purchases into the paper bag, he helped her. He showed Tammy the one I bought and then he shoved it back into the paper bag, and Tammy went like, "You can fold anot?" then he was stunned for a moment and then said, "Ohoh ok" LOL so sweet I couldn't help smiling.

You'll be really happy to see such a pretty couple together, it was like they were made for each other, she being so beautiful, and he being so suave. It's just so... heartwarming, to see another deserving girl getting a boy she deserves, though I'm not so sure about the vice-versa but I think I can sense that he really loves her a lot... I'm happy for her :)


Photos with TYY. Will update soon, we took some really nice photos with her superb photography skils hehehehe :D


I think I'm quite determined to go for PS. Need the resources.

"But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe.. it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls , broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope."

- From Stacey's blog.


It just made too much sense.

It's 7am, the sun is rising, the sky is dimming.
TIME TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEP.
Goodnight lovelies!

My bro and I in Japan.




This is a deleted post.

What I got for Christmas:

1. My mom scolded me like hell and I feel like I'm damned.
2. Went walking around the whole Wisma Atria alone
3. Bought a present for my mom and I got scoldings in return
4. My mom refuses to trust me
5. Heartache
6. Pain.

I miss the times walking the streets with someone's hand to hold on to.

Maybe she's right, I should settle down.

But sometimes things just don't go your way.


Anyway, that fucker from NP came and talk nonsense again. I read magazine you also wna comment. Why NP so many fucked up ppl ZZZ and yet they hve really really nice people like Wilson. So ironic, but maybe people call this a balance? Lmao.

I AM FREE ON XMAS EVE AND XMAS DAY SOMEONE PLEASE ASK ME OUT PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE :(
I don't want another xmas like the last one which sucked big time. My mom said I'm free to go out to celebrate since they won't be celebrating this year SO I AM FREE! God bless I don't end up in the shit like I did last year.

Sorta found a job, gonna be going with PYK YAY SO EXCITED BECAUSE ALL I CAN THINK OF NOW IS MONEY LOL I WANT THAT PAIR OF SHOES IT'S 50 DOLLARS AND SINCE I ASSUME I'LL BE EARNING SOME MONEY SOON I GUESS I WON'T FEEL GUILTY WITHDRAWING MONEY ALR HEHEHEHEHE but dang. I look at the balance in my bank account and I really feel like shooting myself in the head like just BANG and fall and die. Lol okay not funny.

I miss Sharvin.
That fucker say free will contact me NB NOW GONNA XMAS ALR STILL MIA WALAO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISS YOU ANOTZZZZZZZZZ lol.

Am so tired I think my whole biological clock is about to be messed up by my irregular sleeping hours lolol okay off to slumber GOODNIGHT LOVES hehehehehehe.

Oh and my skin on my arms and neck are peeling away thanks to the sunburn I feel like a snake now shedding skin wherever I go lol.

I asked Sharvin if I should get an eyebrow piercing.
I think I'm mad.
He suggested a lip piercing.
I scared during the action I scold knn only then the person buay song go pierce wrong place then kena my teeth LOL
I've got a superb imagination.
It's 4am and I'm still awake SEE THIS IS WHAT INSOMNIA DO TO YOU SO FUCKING GO TO BED NOW lol.
So high! Wonder why I can get high when I'm alone and not when I'm surrounded with surges of people.

HOPE EUGENE CAN MAKE IT SO WE CAN GO TO NPANE AGAIN YAY :DDDDDDDDDD

EUGENE AHHH SO CUTE LOL





First try and we got it





James



Nathaniel



Ng




I think my blog is dead but who gives a shit huh WHO.
So fucked up nowadays and the house warming just escalated everything.
Imagine sitting in front of the computer crying and choking on the fucking pizza WTH man zzz and my mom still thinks that all the unhappiness is caused by my fucking attitude.
RIGHT I HVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM TYVM.


Went to Orchard with CW and Eugene today and didn't find anything to do and sadly it started to rain so we went to Ngee Ann Poly to visit the ongoing ANE camp with Albert and Huishan and Felicia etcetcetc and so fun! Took photos like wtf and they were eating when we reached so everyone stared at us like we're aliens or smth rofl.
Went up to the LT and found Huishan and Felicia. Then there was this guy whom I dunno and not interested to know who was so irritating, hve to comment on everything I say and do and even passed me a condom when CW and I left the room tgt for a jiffy to check out stuff outside. Nothing-better-to-do fucker with no brains how I wish I could say this in your fucking face but I can't cause you treated us Twisties and tidbits :(

And I am sick of people telling me that I'm too direct I dunno why too I've grown to become so impatient.
I just don't like beating around the bush if I'm trying to get a message across it's a fucking waste of time!
I like people who are assertive and express themselves openly although it's good to note your words when you're with people you love and care for. These people are the ones whose feelings you should keep a lookout for.
Otherwise I won't be feeling guilty after everything I said on the spur of the moment because they were heartfelt and heartfelt words are hard to come by from me since I lie so much all the time HAHAHA.

In life, there are many questions asked and left unanswered.
Not that there is no answer, but we just simply chose not to.

When you thought everything in life was going well,
everything was going your way,
you smile at everyone with that confidence running ever so fervently in your blood,
you look at life so positively everyday,
and just suddenly,
everything seem to be moving so fast.

You look back.
Everything is a blur.
You try to make out the vague outlines from within the fog and yet to no avail.
And then you come back to yourself and thought, "What was I doing?"

Not that you blame yourself for all those falsely-portrayed confidence,
but now every single cell in you just felt that fatigue.
It happened all so suddenly, you couldn't catch up with the reality that you're being hit back to ground zero, hard.

You regain composure and realised...
You're but you.
Never did this fact change.
And it never will.
You look at yourself in the mirror, and wonder why people can succeed all the time and yet you see such an outcast in the mirror.
Then you thought, "Maybe I just need a little more confidence. Maybe I just need to hve a higher self esteem."

So you went out asking around, how do people walk the streets with their heads held high,
with that glow in their eyes that you could only envy,
with that ever-assuring smile that could make you sign a dozen insurance contracts on your own accord,
and to the end there is still no answer.

You talk to your friends, and they too said the same thing.
All these derived from your lack of confidence, and you need to push yourself to hve a higher self esteem.

And then you begin to wonder,
to hve such a pathetically low self esteem and confidence level,
is it your fault from the very beginning?
To feel so inferior by just thinking of the girl from your tour group whom everyone thinks she's brainy and beautiful and even your own stepbrother couldn't stop staring at her,
is that to blame on your own sensitivity?

As you try to figure things out,
you, again, ponder if all these are merely sporadic, or hve they been infesting your mind for all these years?
Are these merely woes of a teenager?
No, you thought, because you know this fact about yourself best that your thinking is mature enough to assess if these are typical teenage follies or really problems that developed from your very own self reflection.

You keep all these in your mind,
as you attempt to decipher your complex chain of thoughts on your own.
Your brain branches out like a web so rapidly, you got so overwhelmed, a moment with glee, and yet the other with unhappiness.
For a moment you hoped you were emotion-free.

You opened up, you tried to talk.
You hoped for understanding from your friends,
but people nowadays...
They do not care.
They pretend to understand.
This fast-moving society developed geniuses and also pretenders.
So many of them, you don't know who to trust,
you don't know who'll understand anymore.
You don't know if they'll listen to you and after you hung up the phone, they just turned around and cursed you for your stupidity and for wasting his/her time.

Friends... This word sounds so familiar.

When your only kin has found her new love,
and your stepbrothers don't give a damn about you,
you live with the fact that in this family of six, you hve no one but yourself to rely on.
No one will give you a comforting shoulder, only you yourself.
You'll pull through, you thought.
But sometimes you just can't make it on your own.

You find it hard to come to terms with all these you're going through,
but you believe that in the years to come,
as you mature,
you will realise that, this is life.
You hve to live it the way it is.

Sometimes in life we just need to crumble and fall,
and cry your woes,
because we humans are born to err,
are born to experience pain, however excruciating.
And from this pain, only will we realise that,
we hve only our very self to rely on.

In the movie 2012, the President of the USA wanted to stay behind so as to tell his people the truth, and also to allow kins to hve the chance to bid farewell to one another.
I've never believed in this 2012 End-of-the-World thing and refused to watch the movie because in my opinion, to watch it means that you're actually obliging to the fact that it is true.
But my parents wanted to watch it so I was thinking, a free movie, why not?
So I went to catch the movie after all.

It turned out to be so disturbing.

It set all my beliefs into question, and now I doubt my very own stand.
Everything seemed so real.
The San Andreas Fault all over again... And according to studies (this is fact), they say there is a possibility of another major earthquake along the San Andreas Fault. As of when, this is unpredictable.
Maybe because we study Plate Tectonics in Geography, that's why this movie got me so tense.
All those plates moving apart, it suddenly struck me that all these might be true.
Global warming, CFCs, rising sea levels... All these phenomenons just strengthened the whole belief of this Global Judgement Day.
It all feel so real now, because it's smth that is actually plausible.
We are standing right above the crusts of Earth, God knows what's going on down there?
Burning magma, waiting for its chances to burst up onto the surface and kill us all civilisations?
Or earthquakes of magnitudes more than 9.0 on the Richter Scale?
And gigantic tsunamis...
Gosh, should not hve let my thoughts run wild, sorry.
Anyway, the scene of Hawaii becoming a ring of fire, literally, is possible.
Hawaii lies on this Ring of Fire, I'm not very sure about the names but there are many active volcanoes there, hence it's as dangerous as it sounds.
And this Earth Crustal Displacement theory... That's very interesting. That's the reason of all those ongoing earthquakes.

Anyway, I'd like to say that, my beliefs hve been put into question and I'm beginning to doubt myself.
I've been cynical, even joining this group on Facebook named, 'In 2013 I will watch 2012 and laugh'.
I will not leave the group, as I still hold on to my beliefs, but I'll definitely pass judgements only when my on-hand information has matured.

Earth is the root to all life; it created us, and it can also destroy us.

Repent, for the end is near.

If you want to survive, migrate to Africa now. As shown in the movie 2012, the Cape of Good Hope will be mankind's new home, and the birth of another generation of life. God bless :)